


Maybe Christmas isn't so bad

by CavetownKinnie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Christmas Eve, Crying, Dating, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Kozume Kenma, Stargazing, Supportive Kuroo Tetsurou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28327503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CavetownKinnie/pseuds/CavetownKinnie
Summary: Kenma doesn't like Christmas because of the previous year.Kuroo does what he does best and helps Kenma make new memories.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Kudos: 39





	Maybe Christmas isn't so bad

**Author's Note:**

> This probably sucks because i haven't written in so long but i just need to project onto a character so i wrote this at 2am while sleep deprived :)  
> (Kenma uses they/them pronouns)

Kenma Kozume doesn't do Christmas.

Why? They don't know either, it just feels so, off? The famous Holiday doesn't sit well with them, making Kenma feel uneasy when thinking about it.

Maybe it has to do with that Holiday vacation that happened a year ago. 

Maybe.

It was currently Christmas eve, and Kenma was sitting on their bed with their switch, focusing on animal crossing. They didn't have anything planned special about tomorrow, apart from opening presents around the tree, so they just planned on playing animal crossing or one of the Various Pokemon games they own. 

Now that they think about it, Kuroo was supposed to visit on said day. Both families were quite close so it was no surprise to both Kuroo and Kenma when it was announced that they would spend the dreaded holiday together. 

Kuroo's presents were currently sitting under the tree, a pair of new shoes, a keychain, a mug with "player number 2" sloppily written on (with the addition of 3 paw prints), and matching bracelets with Kenma. Now thinking about it, maybe they should have gotten him a bit more. He was always there for them and always spoiled them, Kuroo deserved the world and Kenma isn't good at expressing that. 

Maybe Kuroo got them more presents, in that case, Kenma will feel guilty for not spoiling him back. 

Christmas was confusing.

They turned off their switch in exchange for their phone. Typing in the password, they slowly make their way to Kuroo’s messages.

\--

_K: When are you coming over?_

_Rooster: In an hour, do you need me to bring anything?_

_K: Nope_

_Rooster: Aww is someone excited to see me ;)_

_K: Keep dreaming_

_Rooster: Whatever you sayyy_

\--

They just hoped Kuroo would get here faster, Kuroo always makes things better. Whether it be by forehead kisses, slow dancing in the rain, or him softly humming while their legs are tangled in each others. They felt safe around him, usually, Kenma would feel weighed down by an imaginary weight, but with Kuroo that weight was lifted with soft kisses and gentle hugs.

God, they fell deep for him.

The hour that followed was primarily contained of clicks and battle noises off Kenma’s Switch, up until the doorbell rang. 

They slowly made their way to the front door, where Kuroo and his father were standing, a pillow in one hand and a bag in the other. In an act of politeness, Kenma took the bag from Kuroo’s hand and made their way to their room. 

“I got a couple of presents in the car, can you help me get them? I promise they're not heavy.” Kuroo asked

“Yeah of course”

It took little to no time to get all of the extra presents under the tree, Kuroo being able to grab most of them in one trip with Kenma’s help.

Sitting on their bed with Kuroo next to them, they sighed. Being friends for so long, you'd think that Kenma would be able to start conversations easier but alas, not all things come easy for Kenma. Thank god Kuroo knew how to start them.

“Do you want to watch that show I talked to you about on Friday?”

“The one with the 7 kids with a dysfunctional family? Something with umbrellas?”

“Yup that one, tho it doesn't have to do with umbrellas.”

They got up and grabbed the laptop that was currently charging under the bed. Opening up Netflix, they pushed the screen towards Kuroo so that he could type in the title and choose the episode. 

For 2 hours, they watched two episodes while holding hands and being propped up by pillows. The familiar voice of Kenma’s mom was heard from downstairs and they shut off the computer.

Quickly scrambling to make their way downstairs, the couple sat at the already occupied table next to each other. In Front of them were salted mackerel pike, steamed broccoli, and some Teriyaki tofu. 

And thus the celebration began. All around the table, there was chatter about tomorrow, the big holiday, and everything about Christmas. Honestly, Kenma was getting quite annoyed but it wasn't like they were about to say it out loud. They didn't want to ruin Christmas again. 

Don't ruin Christmas again.

“So, Kenma, what are you hoping to get tomorrow morning?” Asked Kuroo’s father.

Caught off guard, they quickly pulled themselves together; “I'm not too sure, I'm okay with pretty much anything... Games would be nice tho.”

“What about you Tetsurou?” Pipped in Kenma’s mother.

“I think anything to help me out with Volleyball, maybe some games like Kenma!”

Oh, that's what Kenma forgot. They forgot that they weren't the only one wanting games, they should have gotten Kuroo a game for his Playstation.

Selfish Kenma.

“That good honey, hopefully, you'll get those!”

“I'm hoping!” he laughed.

Fuck. 

Kenma’s stomach just plummeted in guilt. They should have gotten Kuroo that game instead of making him a stupid friendship bracelet he probably didn't want. He doesn't want to make Kuroo sad, oh god. Why was it hard breathing all of a sudden? Calm down Kenma, right now isn't the time to panic, you can do that tonight or tomorrow night while you're alone. Not in front of other people. 

Don't ruin Christmas again.

The rest of the evening went about the same, talking about things they wanted the next day, quiet chatter and swallowing down food and hoping it wouldn't come back up.

God this is going to be one heck of a holiday.

The next hour was a blur to Kenma. They stopped focusing shortly after they finished eating. Cleaning up the table and doing the dishes was pretty easy, though they weren't completely present, they were still on autopilot. After the dishes, both families settled in the living room to watch a show. Was it the office? Kenma thinks it's the Office but they can't quite focused on the present. 

A small tap came from their shoulders, and when they turned their head they saw a worried Kuroo.

“Are you okay? You seem spacey”

“Yeah, I'm just a bit dizzy is all”

“Want some water?” He offered his glass towards Kenma

“No thanks, ill be okay”

Kuroo grabbed their hand and sat closer to them, staying like that for the next hour. After that, they were ordered to go to their rooms to sleep, because they needed sleep for tomorrow (not that Kenma got that much in the first place).

They helped Kuroo get everything set up(not that there was anything to set up really, they slept in the same bed since they were kids) and both got ready for bed. 

They were both currently lying in bed in their comfy pajamas and holding each other close. Safe and warm, it made Kenma happy.

Until they remembered tomorrow. 

And Kuroo’s gifts.

And goddammit did Kenma want to leave right now so that they wouldn't panic in front of Kuroo but Kuroo was safer than the bathroom floor at this moment.

Just calm down, you're overreacting Kenma. It's just a stupid holiday.

Don’t ruin Christmas again.

Breathing exercises like Fukunaga taught you, breathe in for 4, hold for 7, and breathe out of 8. Just like that, there we go. Kuroo’s keeping you safe. Kuroo. Oh god you bought Kuroo the wrong gift you fucking idiot, he’ll be sad that he didn't get any games and you're going to ruin Christmas again god fucking dammit you absolutely idiot-

“Woah Kenma deep breaths, everything's okay, we're okay, yeah? Deep breaths”

Oh, they bothered Kuroo about it. Fuck.

“Kenma, everything is okay, it's just me, it's Kuroo”

Kuroo, Kuroo is safe. 

“Just like Fukunaga taught you, breathe in for four, hold for seven, and breathe out of eight. That’s it, you're doing amazing kitten”

Kuroo’s not mad, or is he? No, Kuroo is safe.

“You're doing so good, keep going, I got you”

They mimicked Kuroo’s breathing to get theirs under control. Breathe in, hold, breathe out.

They both continue to do this for another ten minutes, Kenma following Kuroo’s lead and Kuroo helping Kenma stay grounded. 

“How are you feeling?”

like shit.

“Better. Sorry.”

“No apologies, you did absolutely nothing wrong Kenma”

“Ruined Christmas…”

“You didn't ruin anything kitten. Would you like to talk about it?”

And god do they love Kuroo. How he’s holding them close while running a hand through their hair. How he's rubbing their back in a circular motion, just like Kenma likes it. How he's always by Kenma’s side keeping them company. How he always orders for them because Kenma hates ordering. How he lets them hold onto his Jacket in public so that they don't get separated. Kenma loves Kuroo. 

Kenma doesn't deserve Kuroo. 

Kuroo should be with someone smarter, someone who’s more social and able to go to parties and big celebrations. Someone who can be a better setter, someone who can give the same amount of love Kuroo gives.

The floodgates open and Kenma starts sniffling. Quiet sniffling turns into a few tears, which turns into crying. They aren't sobbing, because they're so tired. Too tired to stop crying and too tired to care. They just want Kuroo. 

Kuroo cups their face “Kenma what's wrong?”

“I don't deserve y-you- you’re so nice and- and caring and you take such go-good care of me but I can never g-give that back and I'm so sorry-”

“Kenma you listen to me and you listen carefully okay? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you're my other half and you're always there when I need it. You deserve the whole galaxy and more, you're my everything kitten”

“But I'll ruin Christmas for you-”

“Ruin Christmas? How could you ruin Christmas?”

They take a shaky breath “I let my bad emotions take control again, I'm so sorry I promise it won't happen again, I d-didn't mean to- I'll be happier tomorrow and I'll be okay- I'm sorry for bringing the m-mood down-”

“Kenma, you're allowed to feel bad, you're allowed to feel sad, to want comfort and reassurance. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You're not ruining Christmas one bit, I don’t think that would even be possible for you to do.”

But they told me being sad would make everyone sad. That I wasn't allowed to be sad on Christmas. I was exaggerating.

“I’m sorry for exaggerating Kuroo”

Kuroo looks incredibly confused. Exaggerating? Kenma just had a goddamn panic attack in front of him, that wasn't exaggerating.

“Kenma, you're not exaggerating one bit. Did someone tell you that you were?”

Then he was met with silence. It's heavy silence, but Kuroo waits for Kenma’s response. He was just about to ask them again when they whispered.

“..my parents.”

“Your parents?”

“Mhm. Remember that vacation we took last year during the holidays? That was a very bad time. Probably one of the worst. I don't remember much but..they kept misgendering me and deadnaming me, and when I had a breakdown about it, they took my phone and games away, said I was exaggerating and being too emotional. Dad yelled a lot. They acted like nothing happened after. I know it doesn't sound bad but it was. I just wanted to talk to you but I couldn't because they took my phone away. I hated it so much Kuroo, it was so bad.”

Kuroo knew Kenma hated talking about what was bothering them, so if they opened up about this, it was probably really damaging to them. He kept running his hands on their back.

“Is that why you hate winter and Christmas?”

Kenma nodded.

“Kenma, I want you to know that you showing your emotions isn't going to make me sad or be mad at you. You're completely allowed to feel, you're allowed to be upset, especially how they treated you. What they did was horrible and you don't deserve to be ignored and cast aside like that. Your feelings matter. You matter, Kenma”

He could tell Kenma was slowly processing all of this. They most likely weren't used to having their emotions validated, but if Kuroo’s doing something it's making sure Kenma is always okay.

“Are you sure I'm not ruining Christmas?”

“Pinky promise”

He offered his pinky to Kenma’s where they giggled and offered their pinky to complete the action.

They smiled, feeling better. Kuroo was godsent. They loved him. He loved them. Everything was perfect.

“Santa can kiss my ass anyways” Said Kuroo

Then Kenma burst out laughing. Kuroo joined in, and soon enough they were both laughing loudly. It felt nice seeing Kenma laugh that hard. 

It made Kuroo fall for them even more than he already has.

They leaned against him, still laughing lightly, and buried their head in the crook of Kuroo’s neck. Right now it was okay, Kenma has Kuroo and they're both safe. Free from the cruelty of this world and safe in each other's arms. 

“You want to watch the stars on the roof?” Kenma asks, interlacing their hand with Kuroo’s.

“Isn't it under twenty degrees?”

“Yeah but I feel like looking at the stars”

“Fair enough. At Least put a coat on, I'll get extra blankets and some apple pie from downstairs”

Kenma gives a thumbs up and Kuroo starts heading downstairs, doing so quietly so that he doesn't grab the attention of the adults.

His father's voice grabs his attention “How is everything going Tetsurou? Are you and Kenma having fun?”

From what Kuroo can see, his father and Kenma’s parents are currently watching a cheap Hallmark Christmas movie with shitty acting and a shitty plot. Maybe he and Kenma should watch one later to criticize it, they would probably enjoy that.

“Yup, I'm just grabbing some apple pie for both of us”

He grabs the knife that was already with the pie and cuts out two pieces, a smaller one for Kenma and a Larger one for himself, knowing Kenma has a smaller stomach.

“Alright, we’re probably going to sleep soon. Goodnight son”

“Goodnight Dad, love you” 

His father smiles, waving him off “I love you too Tetsurou, now go bring that pie to Kenma”

Kuroo nods, quickly grabbing the two slices and his coat before heading back up the stairs to the other’s room to grab the blankets. Upon entering the room, he guessed that Kenma was already on the roof since the window was already open. 

He grabs the blankets folded on the bed, balancing the pies on top, then starts heading for the window.

Kenma’s head appears in Kuroo’s peripheral vision “Need some help over there?”

“Yes pleasee” 

He hands over the pie slices to the other, who was currently sitting down on the peak of the roof.

Kuroo sits down next to Kenma, pulling the blanket on both of them before grabbing one of the two forks to start eating the pie. They spend the next few minutes eating in silence and watching the starry sky. 

After setting down the empty plate next to himself, Kuroo rests his head on Kenma’s. They do the same, staying in that position for who knows how long. They've got each other, that's all that matters.

After what seems like an hour of silence, Kenma speaks up “I just saw a shooting star”

“Really? What did you wish for?” asks Kuroo

“Well if I told you then the wish wouldn't come true”

“That's only for birthdays” He lies 

Kenma chuckles “If you say so” They pause. “I wished to always be by your side no matter what”

Kuroo smiles, he smiles so wide it hurts his cheeks “Don’t worry, I'm not going anywhere!”

“You look like a creep when you smile like that.”

“Wow, rude!

And then it happens for the second time tonight, Kenma laughs loudly. They cover up their smile (a habit they had since they were a kid, even tho Kuroo tries to convince them to show their smile more because it's beautiful) and Kuroo smiles even more. 

He loves Kenma so much.

“But seriously, thank you.”

“For what?” Kuroo asks 

“Helping me earlier. I appreciated that, kind of made me happy about tomorrow. Mostly because you're here, and you're safe. I love you”

Thank god it's dark because Kuroo thinks he just turned into a goddam tomato. He wants to hide his face in his hands, scream that he loved Kenma so loudly the whole town could hear him. 

“I love you too kitten, I'm glad I make you feel safe”

“Of course you do idiot” 

Kenma grabs Kuroo’s hand, holding it tightly before pressing themselves close to Kuroo for more heat. They stayed like that for who knows how long, holding each other while the cold breeze picked at their skin.

And maybe, just maybe, Christmas won’t be as bad this year.


End file.
